Search Me Thoroughly

               At the beginning of this month we had discussed in class about how bold David was. Not bold as when he went to fight the lion or bear, or even the giant, but when he went straight to God and said, “Search me thoroughly, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts (Psalms 139:23 AMP).” He was basically telling God search my heart God and show me what You see. David wanted to see the impurities in his heart so that he would know what he needed to work on his life. David was asking God to test him, or put him through trials so that not only can he show himself approved, but that he can go through a purifying learning stage with Him.

Psalms 139:23

23 Search me [thoroughly], O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts!

Search-Examine Intimately

Know-Discover/Teach

Try-Examine/Test/Trial

Thoughts-Divided mind

               David is asking to be intimately examined, so that God could discover things in his heart, and teach him. David then asked God to put Him through tests and trials, and to discover and teach him where he had a division of mind in his thought process. He wanted to know where he didn’t have the main focus of God. In verse 24 David states that he is asking this so that if there is any evil or wicked way in him that God could lead him back to the way of everlasting or His way.

               I say all of this just to give a background what I have been crying out to God to do in me. I have been asking God to search me intimately and to teach me, try me, and show me where I have a divided mind at so that I can draw closer to Him. Honestly I never really broke down this scripture until I started typing, and now it makes sense of all the warfare and testing and trying I am going through. I should have had a better understanding of what I was asking God to do before I prayed it. All I knew is that I want my heart to be as David’s was, so that in doing so it will eventually get to the heart that Christ has. I believe our walk is a process, and change takes time. I now know that God is allowing me to go through warfare so that my heart can be tested. It is easy to praise God when things are fine and dandy, but it takes true love to persevere through each trial to show yourself approved. Within the first week of praying this prayer a lot of things that were in my heart that I thought I had dealt with began to bubble up. I still had anger, rejection, lust, pride, and manipulation in my heart. These things were really hard realities to deal with, but God brought them up to the surface so that I can deal with them and get the root of them out of my life. I learned that I do not walk in love as well as I thought I did. I had to apologize to a few people for moments of anger that I had towards them. Mom I hope you do not mind me sharing this and I know that you will read it but I realized I still had issues with our relationship. God was showing me that I felt rejected by my own mother even though I know she loved me from the depths of her heart, and I know she still does. I long to have a relationship with her, but I have calloused my heart so much to her that I could no longer accept her love. She had called me earlier this month to apologize to me for something that she felt she did to me as a kid. Little did she know that the moment that she called I was having a conversation with two people about the very same thing the Holy Spirit told her to call me about. I am undergoing a healing process in my heart daily so that I can eventually have the relationship with my mom that I long for. She and I have bumped heads for as long as I remember and through that I have shut her out of my heart unintentionally. I realized that I had done so, because of the root of rejection that I felt. God is uprooting this pain in my heart and replacing it with His love, and I know that this process is going to create an opening to build a better relationship with my mom. I know you will read this and hopefully forgive me for putting this on my blog mom, and I just want to let you know I love you. I want to reiterate, Mom, you were never a bad mother, not once, but we have just had our differences.

               On top of praying God to search me thoroughly I am asking Him to break me, shape me, and mold me into the finished product that He is looking at. I do not know about y’all but I absolutely love change and progress in my life. I cannot allow myself to stay stagnant for very long. I will actually go so far to say that I want change daily, so that in doing so my life can be drawn closer to God’s perfect will for me. He has begun a breaking in me that there is no turning back from. I really feel as though He has taken me as soft clay, and is beginning to mold me into the man that He wants me to be. There have been some sharp cuts and a few hard presses through this molding. Eventually there is going to be a trip to the fire of the oven, but when I come out I will be a finished product. In Isaiah 64:8 it states, “But now, O Lord, You are out Father; We are the clay, and You are our potter; And all we are the work of Your hand.” God’s hands are like very firm potter’s hands, but that embrace only with loving care. We need to understand that all of us are in the work of the hands of God. We need to learn how to walk in love more deeply and with compassion with the understanding that God is molding all of us. He will continually put people in your life that will test your ability to walk in love. He wants to see if you will walk in love with condition, or without condition as Christ did. Through all of this I have learned to take everything to Him in prayer.

                I have been praying for a heart of an intercessor as well, and let me tell you as an intercessor you are heavily broken. Your very innards pang with discomfort, and you are moved with compassion for others. I have been hitting veins in my prayer life that I never thought I could reach. I have become more disciplined in my prayer time, and understand the importance of it. Paul states in 1 Corinthians 14:18 that he “Speaks with tongues more than you all.” You have to love Paul’s boldness and confidence in himself through Christ. One of the greatest Christians known to man made this statement, and there is much weight to it. I challenge you to meditate on this scripture and ask God to reveal the mystery of praying in the Spirit to you. Through my prayer I am strengthening my spirit through trials and tribulations. I am directly communicating with God Himself the very things in my heart. I may not understand what I am saying, but the prayer is being mixed in with heaven’s prayers (Revelation 8:3), and I am conversing Spirit to Spirit with Him. This makes my time in prayer so much easier than it was before. Knowing that I can go to a place to strengthen myself in Lord is quite the revelation. I am unsure of the address of this scripture but I know it is in the Word, but it goes to say when David was going through much persecution and trials in his life he strengthened himself in the Lord. We have the ability not to sit and cry out to God to strengthen us, but to strengthen ourselves in Him as well. I believe this is done through prayer and supplication. Remember when you are praying or interceding you’re never doing it alone, because Jesus is always interceding with you.

          I want to challenge each of you to pray this prayer that David prayed, and to ask God to break you, shape you, and mold you into the finished product that He sees. It is a very painful and awkward process when you pray this prayer, and I promise you that things will come to the surface that have been buried deep within. . I love to surrender myself to Him, because I know what He takes out is worth the exchange of what He puts in. I would rather have these impurities out of my life now so that in doing so I will not have to deal with them later as the roots get deeper with time. He shows no partiality so when you go through this process you will get closer to Him as He has done for me, and I am sure as for David as well. He takes all the garbage in your heart with love and not chastisement. He shows you things that you need to work on by practicing them instead of preaching them. Getting closer to God comes with a price, but it is worth the final result.  I love each and every one of you that have read this post. I pray blessings over your lives, I pray fresh revelation, I pray breakthroughs for your mind and your heart, and I pray that if you dare to choose to go through this process that you embrace it and arise victorious. I know each and every one of you can do it, because He is giving me grace to do so as well. Be blessed in ALL things that you do throughout each day, and I pray an overwhelming joy to blanket all of you. I covet your prayers, and I will keep you in my heart.